So Much Happening

Have you ever been sitting back one day minding your own business and your whole world is tipped upside down for no apparent reason? Well, I have. Just recently actually.

Ask yourself if there is one thing in this world that you have chosen to keep secret for many many years would you be willing to uncover it to everyone even if you are not sure how they will react?

Or would you tell everyone because you are so happy about it - not caring if others will understand you or shun you for it?

I am not going into detail right now - but I have come face to face with a real life hardship. I have been living life on the straight and narrow for many many years now. I have cleaned up my act and have been a pretty damn good mother to Isaac. But, I have done some really awful things in my past and this week one of those awful things came back to bite me in the ass.

I have secluded myself and my son for 4 years now - moving to a new state and forgetting - rather trying to forget all the hurt I have caused others. But I guess that will never go away. It is not like I am ashamed of the outcome - I am ashamed of myself. I have been living in some fantasy that I have made my reality and I don't know how to make it stop. I have been to shrinks to voice my feelings before and thought I was OK with not talking about it - but I am not. I see that now. I have lied to people I love just by not telling them all that I have done.

I think that if I would have been with a loving family - shoot even if I had been with a family - I would not have turned out this way. But I can not change the past. And now I am having a hard time living for the future. I keep thinking about the past and the things I should have done differently. There are times I thought being dead would be easier for everyone. But I could not even do that right, lol.

I guess this is my pity party tonight - so I might as well make the best of it.

I am so sick of feeling like I am alone in this world. Like I am all I have. I have fought and fought to do good and every time I turn around someone is trying to tear me down. I am old enough where I should know that what people say should not hurt me - but it does and I can't help it.

I can't write any more tonight - I can't even think about this blog tonight. I will write more later. Maybe get some sleep and start with a clear mind.

Frozen, but still hanging in there...

WEATHER:
When we left Ohio and moved to Texas it was snowing and pretty cold. People that know me well enough know why I left - but we certainly did not want to wait around for good weather. I knew when it was time to go - and we went. I went as far as I could and still stay in the states. Don't think I didn't think about going further - but my Spanish sucks. So that really wasn't an option. But I was in hopes of warmer weather and less snow. Well, we got the less snow - actually we get practically none year round. But good God - the temperature is ridiculous here!! This morning when I went to work it was 14 degrees!! 14 - yeah you read it right - 14 degrees! I did not think it got to be 14 degrees in Texas.
Meemaw called me last night and said it was going to be cold - but I never imagined it would be that cold. I dug out winter hats I never thought we would need again this year. I actually wore a sweater to work - I never wear sweaters. And I was still freezing.
I am in my house now in the living room and I am still cold - I wonder if I will ever warm up. On the other side - I feel bad for the people up north who have over 5-8 or even in some places 10 feet of snow to shovel and plow. Just glad it is not me anymore. No more plowing and shoveling for us.

ISAAC:
He is doing great - he had a bit of a rough week behavior wise at school but he cleaned it up real good for the last day. He got a new pair of tennis shoes today - he is getting so big. He wears a size 4 1/2 now in shoes. I took him to the library so he could get some books for the weekend.
He got a 94% on his spelling test, now they are taking state and government classes and he got a 100% on his first paper iin that class. He is still on the Honor Roll. Also, he is learning more about how to use the computer.

OK, well I will update more later when I thaw out a little more.

Nothing Much Happening

We just finished another week in Texas. Weather started out cold at first then beautiful in the 70's then freezing Thursday and Friday!! What weather here. They say that if you every want the weather to change - just wait a minute...LOL. It never stays the same here.

There has been a huge rash of flu cases here - so many in fact they have closed down some schools in the area. Luckily not Isaac's.

Something crazy happened this week though. I live in an apartment complex that is pretty old - it was built in like the 50's or something. Well, me and my friend Amy always to to keep up on the latest things happening in the area and you wont believe what I found out. Actually, I didn't believe it until I read it. I checked in the local paper on the Internet and found an article that was written on 02/01/07. It says that are building was tested for Legionnaires Disease and tested POSITIVE. I did not think anything about it at first - they said it caused flu like symptoms. So I figured well it was another thing to watch for living in an old building. Then I read some more. It can be FATAL. Then I started freaking out. Because Isaac was just really sick and had all the symptoms they listed in the article.
I printed it out and called the Health Department the next morning and spoke to the man that tests the complexes and wrote the article. He set my mind at ease by what he told me though. He said the chance of getting it in the winter was slim to none, because the cooling tower is only used in the summer. I felt better about that - then I started talking to him about the problems we have had here as far as leaks and things not being repaired promptly and or properly. He is sending a man out next week to test our place for mold, dust in the vents and cracks and stuff. He said if it is not up to code they will give the landlord until a certain date to get it fixed. So, I guess one of two things will happen next week either I will find out my apartment is OK or I will find out what needs to be fixed. Then I will not have to argue with them anymore about fixing things. He will have to do it. So, thank God for reading the paper - LOL.

I will let you know more about that later. I went grocery shopping and stocked up. So we don't really have to leave this weekend. Although we probably will anyway.

OK - I will touch base later.

The Party

WOW - what else can I say. The ultimate result of Isaac's birthday party was very unexpected.
He invited 29 kids all total - at least 14 RSVP'd and only 9 showed up - and 3 of them were his friends brothers. Oh, and by the way - no parents stayed with me to help. When 2 parents from the PTA said they would.
I was not expecting that - I had ordered a sheet of cake - vanilla and chocolate. I ordered 4 large pizzas {which at the end of the party I gave one pizza to the workers at the counter for helping me} the children ate one - so guess what I got stuck with 2 extra pizzas. I hope Isaac is hungry - what am I talking about he is always hungry {lol}.
I think I wasted more money between wasted cake and undrunk sodas and uneaten pizza than I did for the party itself.
But you know what? My son was so happy to have those friends around him and celebrate together. They were laughing and playing so hard. Not a care in the world - not worrying about being quiet or not running - they were having a blast! And in the long run - that is all that mattered. I got some great photos that I will post shortly. I did not finish the whole roll of film as soon as I do - I will post them.
My guy is 8 - I can't believe it! He even looks older to me - lol. He is playing with his new toys right now. But he did not get little kid toys like usual - he actually got big kid toys. I guess he is growing up. I am not ready for it - but I guess I better get ready because it is happening whether I want it to or not.
OK - well I need to get off of here and get this house cleaned up - there are wrappers and boxes everywhere I look.
I will post more another day - we love all of you guys that take the time to read our blog and keep up on our day to day lives with us.

My Birthday Boy

Well, he is feeling MUCH better and went back to school Friday. However when he went back - he still had a rough time, he broke his glasses somehow. So yet another repair - lol.He enjoyed his birthday - I got him 2 more wrestlers and a wresting ring, 2 DVDs and a wooden toy organizer for his room {which he desperately needed}.Well tomorrow is the big party. So I will have plenty of pictures for all to see and give you an update on how it went too.Right now he is so cute - he is watching the oldie cartoons - from when I was a little kid. The faces he makes when he watches them - he is so cute.I can't believe it has been 8 years already - man it does not seem that long.I am only disappointed by one thing - no calls from his fathers side of the family. How do answer his questions and not make them sound like awful people? He asked me at Christmas why they didn't send anything and at Christmas his dad said he would send his Christmas presents and birthday presents together at his birthday - well his birthday was yesterday and no calls and no gifts. So what do I say then? I made myself a present a long time ago not to talk ugly about them in front of Isaac and I have kept my side of the bargain. They are making their own impressions on him. Isaac is not dumb by any means and he knows what they are doing...all too well. I should have know they would only disappoint him again - we have been through this so many times I have lost count. So I don't let it bother me anymore. I just try to answer his questions when he asks - but lately he hasn't even wanted to ask - I think he knows the answer already.I guess since we live in Texas and they live in Ohio - they are not capable of having a long distance relationship - even if it is with their immediate family. I don't know I can't explain it.I know everyone gets tired of me talking about Isaac all the time - but he is the only reason I keep on going everyday.Here is a real good picture that was taken at MeeMaw's house during Christmas. I will update more later on - now I need to make treats for the party...

Fever is Down

YEAH! All day yesterday fever was down and so far so good this morning.

I think he will be able to go back to school tomorrow - I sure hope so. I can't stand being cooped up in the house.

I will update more later.