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Well, What a Week

Wow - I survived the week and already started on a new one. My partner was on vacation all week and I had the whole thing to myself - OMG it was awful...Things went wrong, reports were wrong, reports were late - OMG it was terrible. But you know what - I am still here and still have a job. I went back in today and all was fine. They were actually very happy with my work while she was gone. No promotion in site - but they were happy with it at least, and I guess sooner or later I will be recognized for a job well done.

Isaac is doing great - he was announced Student of the Week this week for last week. So he gets to be the leader and gets to do all the cool stuff this week. He is very excited - and I am for him too. He is doing so well on his behavior - I am so proud of him. I make sure he knows it every single day. Even though his dad does not give a shit - I do.

I can not even remember the last time he called Isaac - probably does not matter a whole lot anyway - I think he is doing better with out him around. He is not as angry or bitter to others like he was when Shion was speaking to him. So maybe the lapse in memory of the fact that he does have a son is a good thing after all. I am tired of sending update e-mails to him and his family. They never respond. Christ the last time his grand mother called - he screamed into the phone "I don't want to talk to her" and hung up - so yeah in a nutshell - I think he is ok. At least he knows who loves him and who really does not give a shit. As a matter of fact I think it was pretty cool the other day out of the blue he asked me - What is Meemaw to me? I said "Well honey she is the closest thing to a grandma that you will ever have" - his response was "Cool, I have a Grandma and she lives in Waxahachie" With the biggest smile on his face - I know he knows in his heart who loves him and does not. Now be clear of this fact - I will never and have never spoken ill to him about his father or his fathers side of the family - I guess the sheer ignoring of his presence is a dead give away. He may be 8 - but not dumb by any means. The last time he called his father was on his birthday - after he waited for Christmas presents that never came, then waited for birthday presents that never came - his father said he would call him right back. We have now been waiting 3 1/2 months - still no call....Apparently that phone have been down - lol...

Well that's all folks...See ya Later
Have a Great weekend...

Lots of Love;

K&I

Happy Mothers Day!!!

Well, It is Mothers Day and I am awake at 3:45 in the morning. What a shocker huh? I was so tired earlier I could not even hardly take it - now I am wide awake. Go figure.

Well, I had house guests from hell this week. My friend and her daughter came to stay with me for the week until they could get their own apartment. Well, the daughter was so mouthy and disrespectful to her mother I am surprised she did not just smack her in the mouth. I would have. She ran away 3 times and was out until 5am all in a week, not counting the several arguments they had and fighting with each other. it was chaos here. But they are in their own apartment now and I have my peace of mind back. I feel bad for the mom - but I need to worry about me and Isaac and stop worrying about everyone else too.

Well, Isaac was out of school Wed, Thur, Fri - he had pink eye. We were really worried about his eye sight - it was real blurry and his left would not dilate. But the antibiotics they had me put in his eyes are working now so he is doing much better. It was crazy having him home and he really was not sick - just contagious. He felt fine - just had the pink eye. It is weird with him when he is sick - he does not get just the sickness. It takes complete control of him. It seems like he can get the basic flu and it turns into a serious illness or he gets pink eye and we worry he may lose sight in his eye. He never gets just a basic good ol cold. He is always the worst case scenario.

Well, not alot to update - so I am going to bed now.

Too Tired to Bother...

Well, for starters - I am exhausted!!! I have not been sleeping...again.

My friend needed to find an apartment so we have been looking all week and finally found one. They will be moving in this weekend. Fresh start to a family that deserves it.

So anyway, my job is sucking more and more everyday. I loathe going to work now - but I know I have to just to survive. I need to take care of my son and provide for my household. Sometimes it is just so hard. I just feel like I am too tired to even care anymore. I feel like I am getting depressed and I do not need that anymore. I know I will pick my head up off the pillow and trudge on but it is soooo hard. Sometimes I wonder if I have the strength to cope anymore. I need to - but need the mental strength to do it and I need to find it again and implement it.

I just needed to vent - thank you for listening (reading rather) - I will blog later...

Just Rambling...

First of all let me begin by saying I think my sleepless nights are due to something else besides worrying. I have always been a worrier so I can't imagine now all of a sudden it would cause me to lose sleep. Anyway I have been giving these sleeping pills a try. The first night not a whole lot of luck with them. However last night I did go to sleep about 10 or 11. Only 2-3 hours after I took one. So I guess it is getting better. I don't know anymore. I can tell my attitude sucks - I am snapping at people that don't deserve it, I am not myself and I know it. Something is wrong and I don't know what the hell it is - or I would fix it because it is driving me INSANE.

We had a hell of a storm last night - my Meemaw got hit really bad. We were preparing for a tornado and I was just told that one did touch down near Meemaw. Thank God it did not hit her. I would lose my frigging mind. We were without power for about 1 1/2 hours. I was more worried about my son and my fish than myself - but what else is new.

I am really sore right now I just cleaned Isaac's entire room from top to bottom. There is only so much crap I stand to be dirty before it HAS to be cleaned. And his room had to be cleaned. Well, he is an 8 yr old boy so what do you expect right? lol

Well as far as work - it has not slowed down like I thought it would. It has been crazy busy. I have been working late every single night. The overtime looks real good - but my mind is mush after 10 hours of computers. I am really hoping that I get a promotion out of all this work - if I don't, I don't know what I will do. Then I will feel like I did it all for nothing but to make it easier for someone else to do their job. That would suck.

OK well, I am signing off - I really am sleepy but I know as soon as I go to bed - I will be wide awake...

Kristine

Phobias...Fears and the Unexplainable things we {I} worry about...

I have been the star of the movie "Sleepless in Garland" for the past 2 weeks. I go to bed with the intentions of going to sleep but just can't. I turn off the TV, close the blinds, turn over and over and try to sleep but it never fails I am awake until about 2 or 3 then back up at 5 to go to work. I can not handle it anymore...I need to do something!

I have talked to Meemaw and she said it might be something that is worrying me and I don't even know it is worrying me. So I decided I am going to put everything down here that worries me so that I can sleep tonight "hopefully".

• Money: maybe I won't have enough to pay the bills so that we can live comfortably
• Love: I am tired of being alone, I want and need a companion I can share thoughts with
• I can not go to the bathroom with the light off - fear of a snake being in the toilet
• I now have a mouse in the house - I am afraid it will venture into my room
• I am afraid in storms that the lights will go out, alarm clock will reset and I will be late
• I have no alarm system - what if someone breaks in and I am alone?
• What if someone tries to steal my car and I am to dead asleep I can not hear them
• What if one of my fish tanks springs a leak and I don't know until it is empty
• If it rains will my roof leak and ruin my carpet {it has happened before}
• What if they forget to direct deposit my check into my checking account and I don't have any money
• What do I do if my car won't start in the morning

These are just a few...now I have taken a sleeping pill let's see how it works...I will let u know in the morning...

GOOD NIGHT SLEEP WELL - I WILL TRY...